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January 2, 2014

TRANSCENDENCE/ A NEW YEAR.

because sometimes life is so fast and so absolute that the only way you can change things is by actually shifting your life utterly and totally to a different hemisphere. you can't partially change. there's no semi-revolution ~ cate blanchett
with love on my heart, i wish you all the happiest new year.

i find myself always having long conversations about time, about where it's going, who owns it, if anyone. why it moves upon us like a slow and steady tidal wave. why, if we don't embrace its unwavering precedence, we lose touch with its delicacy. the truth is, sometimes it's all i think about. 

i think about growing old and what it will feel like to look in the mirror as a woman with decades painted like strokes across my body. i think about what it would feel like to hold a photograph, much like the one above. a photograph of a young girl getting dressed on new years eve to watch her husband play at a big concert. what did that girl know? what did she think she knew? what did she care about? who did she care about? what did she love? who did she love? what broke her heart? what moved her to action? what hurt her? what shaped her? what sounds did she love? what foods did she eat? what were her prayers? what were her anxieties? what was the moment she thought she had it figured out?  

i think about what it will be like to be covered in lines looking back at where i am today, right now, on the brink of a new year as a new mom. whenever i think ahead about where i will be, it helps me to figure out where i am and where i want to be.

i am constantly reminded how quickly time is passing before me as i change my eight-month-old. what fit him two weeks ago seem incredibly snug and the long onesies that used to hang below his tiny feet have grown tight and press hard on his skin. the clothing seems stretched beyond its limit and no matter how much i try to work with it, i cannot force what will not budge. it is a great reminder to me that time will pass anyways, and it is in my best interest to let it be and focus on what i can work with, what i can change. what i can become, really.

i want this year to be transcending.

i want to change, not by little leaps, but by miles. i want to write it down that every day is the best day. i want to work deeply on my marriage. i want to practice my faith, out loud. i want to learn new hobbies, and not give up when i feel like giving up. i want to be less afraid of being in front of the camera. i want to be at peace with exactly where i am. i want to eat most of my food that's given to us from the land. i want to unplug as much as possible. i want to work out the body god has given me, and enjoy the process of becoming stronger. i want to carve out time to myself for yoga and photography. i want more family bike rides and more walks at sunset. i want my motherhood to be real and honest and hopeful. i want to say yes.

and i think most importantly, i want to let go of things that i should have let die a long time ago. i want to be at peace with who i have become and not let what used to keep me up at night plague my days.

cheers to you and yours for a year that won't just be the "best" ~ but a year that will bring you peace and light in spaces that you thought were too dark. run at lightning speed toward whatever is in your heart, because time will pass anyway. it always has, and it always will.

xo

7 comments:

  1. Your thoughts are so full of life. Your words like breathing in fresh air. Thank you for being you and giving of yourself so selflessly and passionately.

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    1. oh, thank you deeply, kerrie. i have been meaning to write a blog post for some time now but this past week has been frantically busy. sometimes it takes far too long to write a post, between my eight month old and often times messy house! thank you for being so encouraging, truth is, it means so much. xoxo

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  2. What an incredible year 2014 will be for you my dear Golden Mama! Incredible. xoxo Jen

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    1. hi sweet friend ~ thanks so much for stopping by, truly cherish your words!

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  3. Can't wait to see how you progress in 2014. Living in the moment. Be here now. That's always my goal, and I have gotten very good at it, with lots and lots of practice. Happy New Year and I look forward to reading more of your beautiful words in the coming months.

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    1. thank you so much, emily. i am so happy to have you following along and truly value all that you say. really touches me so! wishing you a year of beauty and determination and bliss in the simple moments. xo

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