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September 16, 2014

OUR BLUEBERRY DAYS









i'm sitting here at ten at night after taking a long shower after who knows how many days, my skin oiled and clean. i have the show GIRLS in the background (although, i would have loved if felicity was still on netflix, i loveeee felicity),  a piece of dark chocolate in hand and a sleeping baby on our bed. i crave silent, still moments like these. sometimes they are all i think about during our exhausting days, which lately, seem to be every day.

steve is gone again for work so i am solo parenting much of this week. it is hard and i cry.  but never for long, only to get it out and release. because raising children to be gentle, beautiful and kind beings takes work. it takes everything you have.

i pray a lot and remind myself that one day not too far from today, he will do all the things i do for him. my little wild prince needs me and i am jolted quickly into that reminder each time he reaches or runs or yearns for me.

i took aug to the ocean on sunday and we piled the bottom half of our bodies into the calming waves and i felt myself slowing accepting the let go, becoming a part of what truly remains, seeing everything as god.

we shared a blueberry smoothie from whole foods after our trip to the post office and saw beautiful dogs walk past us. aug always yells "daaog, daaog" and i always tell him "one day."

we bought a basil plant and the last of the watermelons and i plan on making some rosemary cornbread with my little love on my hip tomorrow morning.

everything feels so new and so old, our days blur but in a light that becomes
more beautiful once i close my eyes and think about it.
and when i step back from the line of fire
that burns out in front of my eyelids, i am given a vertiginous realization
that this is all i have ever wanted.

i feel most grateful in all that is seemingly simple. 

1 comment:

  1. I love reading your mothering posts, your words always take me back to those days...the best days of my life when my four babies were gathered 'round the hem of my skirt 24/7. I cherished every day so deeply. I was never 'annoyed' by my babies. I enjoyed them so much. It has probably made it more difficult for me now as they are leaving. I used to always say that you can never love too much. I still believe that. xx

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