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April 8, 2015

MY SMALL MOTHERHOOD MOMENTS.






1/ palm desert bougainvillea mornings
2/ a tuesday we won't ever forget
3/ ten thousandth sleeping moment
4/ collected cards above gus' changing table
5/ "hug the clouds, baby boy"
6/ desert curiosities 
7/ before the pool
8/pick up from the airport, hand kisses on the ride home
9/ cloud gazing

lately, i've been waking at least three times a night. sometimes to pee, sometimes because gus is pressed too tightly against my body. other times because i can't turn the volume down low enough on my thoughts. when i wake, i softly bring my leg over to my husband's side, touching the soft tops of his feet, resting mine in their arch, even if for a moment. 

i've done this for as long as i can remember. mostly because i find great comfort in touch and in knowing where i belong. and that all i can ever hope to find will always exist within those feet that span the length of our bed.

in those still moments in the middle of the night, in the moments when i look to my right and see two extensions of my heart sleeping under the big dark sky, in our small white room - i know i have been led to them, to this place, by something more than perfect algorithms. 

with them, i am in my own galaxy, or a wormhole that exists right outside of everyone else's, where time both stops and fastens itself. 

i like to think that we are the stars and suns and moons that circle in unison by the weight of our own shared gravity.

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a note to my gus

this morning while papa went to go get more coffee, you came back to bed where i was laying, and placed a giant bag of popcorn onto the bed and tried feeding me.

one for you, one for me.
one for you, one for me.

 you kissed my face about ten times, looked up with your finger pointing straight and said "airplane."

and then laughed before getting quiet again, burrowing yourself into my soft mama chest.

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