i am laying in our bed right now, my baby boy fast asleep to the right of me, buried deep inside his blanky and cemented to my hips as though we were driftwood formed together at sea. i brought him to bed earlier tonight, when the stars and moon weren't even visible. i just tucked him into my chest and breathed in his curls while he drifted. i do this every night, but something about seeing him in the pale late evening light was even more beautiful. maybe it's because daddy's been away at work, but holding him close is my balm.
we had a full day today. we spent all our time outside, hanging laundry, tending our garden, checking on the carrots and strawberries and brussels sprouts. we have much more to plant but these are the first that have already begun saying their hellos to us. it's amazing how many hours augustus can spend simply playing outside. we come in for lunch, say our prayers, and rush back out. his auntie got him a water and sand table for his birthday so he is just in heaven filling up his cups (ahem, our vitamix blender) with sand and stones and collectibles. i go in and out of the kitchen, watching him through the open windows as i prepare small snacks or get a load of dishes in or mop the floor.
it is my birthday on mother's day. it seems that each year it comes upon me like a stack of books falling from their shelves, landing at the base of my feet. i don't often think of my birthday and try harder not to think about my age. i guess that's what becomes of growing older. it just happens.
i told my husband i just want to lay somewhere with a sunhat and all my very loves around me. anywhere, really. our backyard. a vineyard. a valley near an old wooden deli. something simple and sweet - the way i want this year to feel.
/heard this song again today and my heart sunk as i used to rock my baby boy to when he was only months old