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July 1, 2015

THIS TIME.





1/ falls into my arms after his time in the hot tub
2/ fast asleep under my dress
3/ sunday morning farmer's market 
4/ getting ready for nap time with my babies
5/ always helping me with shopbonjourmoon 
6/ in mama's sandals
7/ another day, another photo with my sleeping baby boy
8/ celebrating good news from the doctor with trader joes cards + stock flowers + cherries 
9/ listening to our favorite summer song, but this version :)
10/ growing his beard, making me weak in the knees
11/ filling our painted bird houses
12/ father's day morning - quiche and two simple presents
13/ alphabet practice
14/ flowers for us from steve 
15/ afternoon at the ice cream parlor
16/ sharing a raspberry lime sno-cone, watching dada perform
17/ hanging lavender above our bed as he lay sleeping

today, on the first of july, somehow, i am twenty-four weeks pregnant. how that is possible i am still sorting. it's kind of like having a profound statement to make in class or in a circle of overt intellectuals, and as you raise your hand to speak, the thought has entirely left the whole of your body. i cannot manage to get the words out, though i feel them and know them and could point to them on a map if i could.

time is passing through me like a rushing river. it was just a few hours ago i was sneaking into my husband's music room after dinner, handing him a tiny sealed muslin bag with the positive pregnancy test inside. it was just a couple minutes ago we both broke down once we heard that hammering heartbeat that pulsed inside our chests.

this time, however fleeting, is sweet. i appreciate everything. i see everything. i laugh at nothing. smile at the littlest nothings. i move differently. sleep deeper. i eat with such appreciation and carve out time just to notice the new set of butterflies that seem to have unearthed over night. my rubbing thighs and flabby arms have removed themselves quietly from the limelight i often (eh, every day) used to give them. i rub almond butter onto my belly, playing faux piano notes on the side of my rib cage, waiting for him to respond. or her.

i look at my husband differently. i kiss him abruptly, all the time, out of nowhere. not like i didn't do that before, but i do it even more so. i kiss him everywhere, reach for his hand, move my fingers through his curls, trace the back of my hand alongside his silver fox-ed beard. i see him as our king, the man who breaks our bread and makes our home. the man who loves hard, who reaches inside me when i can't seem to be found on the surface. i see him as the man who gives me everything. a life, love, true as a blue sky, a flying bird, a laugh, happiness. the man who gives me our babies. i see his face and i make bargains with god just asking for more days alongside him. more days to see this beautiful man fall deeper in love with his beautiful fatherhood. more days to reach for his hand alongside the sidewalk and market. more days to overhear him say "my wife." 

this pregnancy is so much different than the last, not more, not less of anything, just different.  i know it because i hear my thoughts differently. i see everything a little differently. and when i look at what's all around me, i just want to run head first into it, with my baby boy, my husband and our baby to be running right alongside me. 

i guess, this time, i know what to expect, and at the same time, knowing what is happening is almost as beautiful as knowing where it is is all leading.

to more love.
more of this.

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i really like this song

3 comments:

  1. this is so very beautiful. <3

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  2. The love between you and your family is so pure and refreshing. The world needs to see more love like this! :)

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  3. That second photo is just too sweet! :)

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