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January 9, 2016

COMING BACK.


happy new year, friends.

it's been almost three months since i have had a moment to sit down in this space, and i will begin by saying how much i've missed it. every day. you don't realize how much something is a part of you, i think, until you are separated from it. this corner, this sacred place i've grown to love and need - it's so much of who i am and to be back feels like lavender honey and rain.

i began this new year in a way i hope to never repeat. you can read about it on my instagram, but i will say that i have made a great focus of mine to do more of the things that fill my cup, including writing, right here, in addition to what i am working on outside this space.

i sit here, on a saturday morning, and outside my window it is raining. augustus had a sleepover at his nana and grampy's and steve and i and fiorella are having a very quiet morning. my coffee is still hot and i just got done with a long morning nursing session and fiorella is coo-ing on her little play mat.

i tell my husband i miss her when she's there.

"do you hear that sweetie?" i ask him. "hear what?" "exactly." it's quiet and i can think and i have so much to write and share and so many pictures, but it seems it's hard to know where to begin.

so, i'm just going to begin. right now. again. all that i've wanted to share - her first week, her first month, our first christmas, all the musings of motherhood and siblings and being a mother to two beautiful souls - all the guilt and all the juggle - so much of my heart - well, it's there, and i feel it, so maybe just picking up exactly where i am right now, today, will have to do. yes, it will do just fine.

{the photos are all over the place, from the last three months. no real sequence, no real theme. just bits of our life, a tiny portion, frozen.}

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my days since the birth of our daughter, fiorella primrose, have been, admittedly, the most beautiful, transcending days of my life. not to say that they weren't beautiful before, because of course they were. of course they absolutely were. but with the addition of her, a new sweetness has seeped into our air. a new gentleness, a new map that we have been navigating, knowing that our port is always her.

my roses have new colors. my eyes have grown softer, my voice even quieter. i sing to her in the moments that are loud and rock in the moments that are quiet. she smiles all day and cries for me when not buried into my chest. i've never been needed this much in my life
we are in the early days of our story. i move my lips and nose across the top of her soft head all day. her hair sticks up and swirls and she responds by staying still. it's more than i can take, most days.

as most know, we did not find out the gender, so when my husband cried handing her to me "it's a girl! sweetheart, it's our baby girl!" life as i knew it was forever changed. she has made me a mother of two. she has made me a mother to a daughter.





























here is where i begin again, starting with them.

5 comments:

  1. Everything that flows out of you is like the most fragrant rose I have ever smelled or the most beautiful shell I have ever found on the seashore. Your heart moves me. Your life reminds me so much of my own in the early years of motherhood. Oh how I need to be reminded. Because it went by too fast, it fades too fast, and it is hard...so hard to let go. But it is all love. An ocean of infinite waves of love that we just keep riding on. Letting the waters flow and take us wherever they go. I drank deep of every drop of every day with my children in their childhood, just as you do. Now I learn to live in the quiet of their absence, but the quiet is full of beauty too. They still flutter in to visit often, filling my heart anew. Thank you. You give and love so deeply. You still my soul.

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  2. PS You are so so so so so so pretty. That peach dress with your long hair gathered to the side...O my...you are a rose. xx

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  3. Ah, what tenderness in these words and photos. So nice to get a peak into your darling home and life! <3

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  4. I love you, you're magical. Inspires me

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  5. Gorgeous images, and touching words. I am so enjoying following along on your instagram and your blog! Thank you for being a refreshing breath of new air!

    xoxo
    Caylie

    https://soulpaletteblog.wordpress.com/

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