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October 30, 2016

HELLO, AGAIN.



















hello, dear friends,

it seems that this space has been neglected, much to my discontent, for seven months now. yeesh.
oh how many months i have been yearning to sit here and write, reflect, explain, wax poetic, etc. how many months i've been motivating myself to just begin again.

and so here i am. beginning again, so to speak, in a space that feels absolutely foreign to me. in a space that was once my home. it is no surprise to me that this has happened, as the search for "home" has been an underlining theme for most of my year so far.

since last i updated (february, gulp) so much has changed.

i have received countless emails and messages asking about where we are living, if we are staying, and i hope that this post in some way explains what's been going on and i felt so compelled to finally respond in a blog post. it was incredible seeing the beautiful community on instagram send love to us, it was more than i can still actually believe. we received so many offers from people, from all over the world, offering spare rooms and those gestures alone can never be repaid. complete strangers wanted to take my family in, i still truly cannot believe it!

but we are ok now. and we are going to be more than ok.

so here's a little update, for those curious.

in april, we were given notice at a home we had adored and spent months trying to figure out where and what to do next. after much consideration, we decided to move back into a home my husband owned and was renting out to a long time tenant. it was a home we had shared together before many years ago, but also a home we had hoped we would never have to return to, one of the very many reasons being the city to which its attached. it was never a city we wanted to become a married couple in and it was by far never a city we would raise our (then hopeful) children in.

but here we are. and so it is.

so we decided, against all odds, to move back. fix this place up. hope that the market would turn around to either sell or rent out.  our mortgage is far less than HALF of what we were paying, so saving for a house we truly love in a town we truly love is so enticing. so we are keeping our eye on the prize, the prize being getting our credit score back to perfect (that's a story in itself - this house is technically "under water" and we began trying to short sell it a few months before we were given notice! timing right!) and buying our own home after all of this crazy mess. in one sense, it was exciting because for the first time in many years, we were home owners again - able to paint walls whatever color we wanted, rip out whatever we wanted, do WHATEVER we wanted. it was exciting and even though this house is old and incredibly flawed, it had bones, a bright kitchen, pretty details, POTENTIAL.

then, a week into our renovation, that's when it all began to unravel. we had three break-ins within two weeks of living here. THREE. the first was from someone who was painting our house. wonderful, right? the next was in our garage while we were gone for a few hours. the third was when i was at home with fiorella, in the late morning. we believe that the last two were related and we have video of the the third break in. but none of the "facts" have made this unsettling feeling deep within us dissipate. we still pack all our valuables when we leave the home. we lock and double lock and check and recheck each and every time we shut the door. we have never lived like this before. not ever. in our last home, i rarely locked my door (strange typing and admitting that now, but it's the truth) and the biggest crime in our tiny little town was usually a bicyclist running a stop light. i kid you not. it's been a night and day change from where we were to where we are now, but we still have each other, we still have this family, and we still have a lot of love and memories to make.










i had written a post on instagram about leaving this house, because for a month or so, that was absolutely our plan. we were not living here and living at my parents and at friends because i was too afraid to be alone with our children and my husband steve was beside himself with anger and guilt and never wanted us to return. we were frantically checking zillow and craiglist trying to find a home that would fill our needs but was also beautiful (ha! that doesn't exist when you force it, i've learned).
but, after our emotions and anger and fright began winding down, we decided that with security cameras, floodlights and other measures, that we could do this. that maybe we just got the bad end of the stick a couple of times and that maybe we could make this work. with a lot of hope and a lot of trust that the world may back off for just a bit.

ideally, we would be out of this house next weekend. but we are trucking along, trying to fix up and make a home that is not ideal OUR HOME, still. it is important that we all feel like this is home, no matter how long we are here.











it f eels so good to be back home in this space, i must humbly admit. while this blog post is just an update, it has me incredibly inspired to begin again - writing, sharing photos, stories, pieces of our little life together, recipes, etc.

i have so much i want to do here. new designs. new ideas. new branding. it's all in the works and i am just really ready to dive on in.

and to you reading: thank you. thank you, beautiful one.

thank you.

xo

kerrie

13 comments:

  1. Thank you so much for returning to this beautiful space Kerrie. I love that I can see more of your words, more of your gorgeous photography and most of all feel your incredibly beautiful heart. I wish you and your family safe days ahead and always. 💞

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  2. It's so refreshing to read your words and see your love pics here again. Glad to know that you are finding your feet in a new environment and cultivating a sense of home for yourself and your family. Sending waves of love and blessings your way and prayers that things keep falling into place bit by bit. I know that your dreams for your family will come to fruition in good time. I've definitely felt the shift in your energy from what you've shared on Instagram recently. Looking forward to seeing more of what you'll be bringing to this space.

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  3. Thank you for being you and creating a home where you are. I don't know if I could be that brave and strong. May God protect you and your family in your home. Xoxo

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  5. Dear Kerrie, It is wonderful to see you here again, and to feel your faith and trust in the world that all is well and will be well. It is and will be. I send warm thoughts to you and your family this frosty morning in Vermont, as the sun shines through spare trees at the top of our eastern ridgeline. Much love to you! xo Anne

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  6. I'm so glad you're back, so glad you're alright. You are doing so well... you're spirit is so beautiful. Keep your head up, darling, all will be well.

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  7. Glad you all are safe and well. I highly recommend you read this new book from Shannan Martin called Falling Free: Rescued from the Life I Always Wanted. http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/27840647-falling-free

    I too long for a beautiful house in a beautiful town, especially in which to raise a family in. This book has totally changed my eyes and heart on maybe what we're really called to do and who we're called to be instead. I'm still only midway through it, but if anything, hopefully it helps settle some of your longing and help you find peace in any circumstance. <3 <3 <3

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  8. i'm so glad you are back. it's very funny because i had just cleared out my feedly and sadly deleted your blog from my list since it had been so long since you updated (but i follow you on instagram and we have traded comments a few times on your posts). i really do hope the best for you and your lovely family.

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    1. oh! and of course i am overjoyed to add you back to my list of "must read" blogs ;)

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  9. So glad you are back! My husband and I just started a new blog and when I was looking at blog inspiration, yours was one at the top of my list. Thanks for sharing, and I can't wait to see what's next!

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  10. welcome back, ma. blogs are the best. loved reading and catching up. i hope (and know) its all gonna work out soon. and also, that last photo is worth more than gold.

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  11. Sending you love and light my dear. Welcome back!

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  12. welcome home. pun intended. cannot wait to read the next one, and this playlist is so beautiful, Kerrie. <3

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